Mixed Feelings

I feel like it gets harder and harder for me to trust people. I hate saying that because I’ve always been the kind of person to trust everyone until they betray my trust. So, for me to have a hard time trusting people, it must mean that people I know have screwed up a lot, right? And that just sucks. I try to have faith in people but half the time they just let me down. There’s a very small group of people in my life that I can trust no matter what, but I still always worry that they’re not going to come through. It’s sad that my default response when someone says they’re going to do something is to plan out what I’m going to when they screw me over. I don’t want to be cynical and I try to always think about the positives in my life. But it’s sad when I feel like I put 100% into my friendships and relationships and I feel like most people only put in 50% for me. What can I do about that, though? Stop being friends with them? I have a hard time cutting people out of my life. Yell at them about it? I have a hard time with confrontation. Stop trying? I believe that I should always be a good person and put effort into all of my relationships. I guess I have to think of a solution soon. I fully appreciate my life and I know that I’m so lucky to love so many people and to have so many people love me. But sometimes, on days like this, I feel so alone.

(written on 10/17/10)

First Post!

So, I’m kinda new to this whole blogging thing. I used to have a Xanga, but that was more filled with my high school banter than anything else. I used Xanga in 9th/10th grade as a means of telling everyone every single thing I was doing…kinda like I do with my Twitter now. That’s not what my Tumblr will be for. I feel like I’ve changed a lot since high school. Not that I didn’t have opinions before, but now I feel like I’ve experienced a lot more and I have a lot more to say as a result. I also think it’d be interesting for me to have a place to express myself in a more “big girl” way…I will be a college graduate soon afterall. So, I’m going to use this blogging site to share my opinions on my experiences as well as events that are happening worldwide. Feel free to comment, I love feedback. I’m going to be 100% honest on this thing, and for once in my life I don’t care if anyone agrees or disagrees with me. However, I am definitely open to other viewpoints. Please share your ideas with me!

(written on 10/16/10- I switched blogs!)